Possibly the most essential hotel in all of Los Angeles, the 1927 Chateau is home to history, glamor, and the deepest secrets of a million celebrities. (It's so damn storied, novelist AM Homes wrote the little intro text on the website.) Now owned by Andre Balazs, the hotel has units ranging from rooms to bungalows to a two-bedroom penthouse, plus a charming patio restaurant and a non-clusterfucky pool scene set high above the Strip. It's also incredibly expensive, but the studio's paying your way, right?

The glassy Westin Bonaventure, designed in the 1970s by Atlanta atrium enthusiast John C. Portman Jr., is supposedly one of the most photographed buildings in the world. It's 1,354 rooms and suites are a hit with business travelers and voyeurs (the external elevators offer great views into the rooms!), and its top-floor Bonavista Lounge is big with fans of rotating lounges (i.e., everyone). Be warned though that this part of Downtown isn't so happening at night.

The Koning Eizenberg-designed Standard (an adaptive reuse of the Superior Oil Building) was an early pioneer in the last decade's Downtown renaissance. It's everything you'd expect from trendy hotelier Andre Balazs, down to the waterbed cabanas and topiary by the rooftop pool, cheery mid-century 24/7 Restaurant, and SPiN ping pong club. If you haven't partied on the roof just once, do you even really live in Los Angeles?

Since its renovation in 2005, the Roosevelt has been most famous for hosting Lindsay and The Hills women at the poolside Tropicana Bar, but it's really classic old Hollywood--it was built in the 1920s by a group including Mary Pickford and Louis B. Mayer and hosted the first-ever Academy Awards. Now managed by Thompson Hotels, the Roosevelt has 300 rooms and an astounding number of trendy hotels and bars, including Teddy's, Library Bar, the Spare Room, and Beacher's Madhouse.

The Langham is everything you think when you think old-money Pasadena. Originally built in 1907, it had to be completely rebuilt (immaculately) in the early '90s. It sits on 23 acres and has 380 rooms, suites, and cottages, all very proper and lovely, plus the Huntington Spa, fancy The Royce restaurant, The Tap Room bar, and of course afternoon tea in the Lobby Lounge.

The Sunset Tower might just have the very best service and very best architecture on the Strip--it was built in 1921 and designed by the great Leland Bryant as a luxury apartment building for stars (including Howard Hughes, Errol Flynn, Marilyn Monroe, etc. etc. etc.). Hotelier Jeff Klein revived it in 2005 but kept the old school elegance firmly intact; it now has 74 rooms, a small pool, and the Tower Bar restaurant.

Hands down the most hipper-than-thou hotel on the Strip, the Mondrian couldn't possibly have been put together by anyone but hotelier Ian Schrager and designer Philippe Starck. There are terrific views, a terrific pool, 237 rooms and suites, Asia de Cuba, and hey, remember Skybar, that place no one could ever get into ten years ago? That's still there.

The ornate Millennium Biltmore was built in 1923 and it's packed inside with ornate murals and frescos and tapestries and fountains, and its tiled indoor pool is especially cool. This is the place for business types who have to stay in the heart of Downtown, history fans, and movie buffs. The Biltmore shows up in countless movies and TV shows; in one of its most famous roles, it plays Ghostbusters's haunted Sedgewick Hotel.

One of the most glamorous joints in town, the Beverly Hills Hotel (now a Four Seasons) was built in 1928 on the former site of the Beverly Hills Speedway and has hosted Elvis Presley, John Lennon, and Barack Obama. It has 395 rooms and suites, an enormous fitness center, a great pool, and a Wolfgang Puck restaurant (CUT). In other words: everything.

The super-charming and super-turquoise Georgian first opened in 1933 and still has that Old-Hollywood-hits-the-beach feel (its speakeasy is rumored to have been set up by Bugsy Siegel himself). It's just across the street from the Santa Monica Pier and has a great front porch, 84 boutiquey rooms and suites, a restaurant, but not too much else.

Here's a tip for getting into the wonderful, members-only Magic Castle: stay at the Magic Castle Hotel next door. It's cute, moderately-priced, convenient to the madness on Hollywood Boulevard, and most importantly, it gets you into the Magic Castle.

The Queen Mary is a chance to stay in a real 1930s luxury ocean liner without having to worry about food poisoning. Guests bunk in staterooms, and the boat and surrounding area are packed with things to do: shops, restaurants, a spa, tours (including a ghost tour), and exhibits, plus the whole Long Beach Harbor zone.

The newest of the Bev Hills giants, the Montage has all the latest and best, including a rooftop pool, private cabanas (with TVs and fridges inside), balconies in all of its 201 rooms, complimentary Benzes with your suite, a spa, and a whole bunch of great dining options: Scarpetta, Conservatory Grill, and Parq Bar.

It's right on Sunset Boulevard, was built in the 1920s, has one and a half stars on Yelp, looks like it could be a good place to score some crack, and shows up in LA Confidential. In other words, the essential Hollywood hotel. Don't ever stay here.