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Here’s how I know LA will beat Boston in the World Series

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It will be 82 degrees and sunny during tonight’s first pitch

A view you won’t see from Fenway.
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Those first few games? Just warmups. Tonight is the real deal. Back at home. On our own turf. Under our own cloudless sky. In our own way-cooler stadium.

Yes, our stadium rules. Which would you rather play in? A grand midcentury icon that’s been deemed baseball’s most beautiful since its 1962 opening day—or an aging century-old relic that almost got demolished?

It’s also much bigger. With a nighttime capacity of 37,000, Fenway Park is such a teeny tiny ballpark it’s a wonder they even allow them to play major league baseball there. Dodger Stadium, on the other hand, holds 56,000. That’s a hell of a lot more people yelling “Go Dodgers.”

So what if there was a rainbow over Fenway? We have sunsets. Every night.

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Our big dig beats their Big Dig. Does Elon Musk want to tunnel to Fenway Park?

Dodgers got their name from streetcars. What the hell are “sox,” again?

Metro’s smack-talking is the best in the country. At least Milwaukee played along. Not a peep from Boston’s transit agency.

It will be 82 degrees and sunny during the first pitch tonight. In Boston? The opener saw rain almost delay the game and temperatures during Game 2 were near freezing.

Boston has a Green Monster. We grow green monsters.

You won’t find this in Charlestown.

When you shout “Beat LA” it sounds like you’re shouting “Be LA.” Which we know everyone wants to.

No one actually likes clam chowder. Flamin’ Hot Cheeto-dusted elotes, on the other hand...

We might as well make history in a few different ways at once.