The official concept for the One Santa Fe development—"one and two bedroom luxury apartment homes, combined with distinctive shopping, world-class dining, state-of-the-art amenities and public community art space in the heart of Downtown LA's eclectic Arts District"—sounds nice on paper; who doesn't want a luxury home, great places to eat, or public space for the arts? But paper only has two dimensions and so this faux ad, posted by an anonymous Craigslister who is equal parts angry and clever, provides a little bit of the third dimension on what a huge new addition does to a neighborhood that is already gentrifying in some uncomfortable ways.
The post advertises a spacious, 525-square-foot one-bedroom apartment for the totally reasonable price of $2,800 a month. With renderings, a "no smoking" badge, and a contact link, the whole thing looks legit, until you get to the text. Clearly written by someone on top of the development scene Downtown, it's all a lot of fun (save for the casually sexist girlfriend remark in the first paragraph), and filled with just barely exaggerated zingers. Highlights include:
Have a guitar? Great! We made sure to add plenty of balcony space so that you can play it for your neighbors across the street, who for sure don't hate you. (Quiet hours are from 9:30pm to 7:00am) One Santa Fe is optimized to ensure that no matter where you're going, you're not walking. There's plenty of parking, so you can go to work and back without ever setting foot on a sidewalk! "We also provide on-site bicycle rentals because we know you probably don't have a bike of your own. We don't recommend using the bicycles though, as most of our residents like to drive their Porsches fast, and they'll need you to be out of the way." "Please, no cats, dogs, or any art supplies that might make a mess. These units are brand new. Also no smoking." Other perks:
- Live with the artists without having to live like them
- All the comforts of the Westside, but closer to work
- Nicolas Cage used to live close by
- Skrillex still lives close by
- Building looks like painter's canvas, extra long structure to block views of blighted LA River" If any of that sounds appealing to you, get in touch quick. As of this morning, One Santa Fe had a scant 155 units available. The affordable housing units, of course, are already full. —Ian Grant
· One bedroom in fully-gentrified arts district [Craigslist]
· One Santa Fe [Curbed LA]
· "Don't Change the Arts District" Says Guy Who Arrived Last Year [Curbed LA]
· The Catty Nicknames Arts Districters Have For the Gentrifying One Santa Fe Mixed-Use [Curbed LA]
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