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Here's How Much It Costs to Live Like Gwyneth in LA For a Day

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Everyone loves to give Gwyneth Paltrow a hard time because she does shit like call her wood-burning pizza oven an "investment" (and a good one!), but just how out of touch exactly are her recommendations for living? Last week, her newsletter goop released five new Los Angeles city guides "broken down by personality," with recommendations for hotels, shopping, activities, restaurants, and even books. (Personalities include "classic," "health-conscious," and of course "hipster." You know that classic person in your life, always quoting Virgil or whatever.)

So we put together five sample itineraries using recommendations from the goop guides and totaled up what it costs to hang in LA for a day the Gwyneth way, for everyone from "kids" to "arts & architecture." (NB: All itineraries are for one adult, except for "kids," which is for one adult and one kid. Hotel room rates are for the lowest-priced room. Where goop did not make a specific recommendation of menu item or luxury good, we chose what we thought Gwyneth would like. And we didn't include any tax, tip, or transportation, so these itineraries will actually all cost you way more.)

Kids:
One night at The Viceroy (the hotel says it doesn't allow children in its regular rooms but will let you book them anyway): $349
Cheesy eggs & toast ($6.50); organic quinoa with farmers' market vegetables, Sriracha & two sunny side up eggs ($12.50); cappuccino ($4.25); fresh squeezed market juice ($4.75) for breakfast at Huckleberry: $28
Quesadillas ($8), summer salad ($9), and two aguas frescas ($5) at Lotería Grill for lunch: $22
Chicken tenders ($8), brown rice bowl with tofu ($17), lemonade ($3), glass of La Posta Malbec/Syrah ($9) at Blue Plate for dinner: $37
One hour at Sky High Sports: $12
Two hours of parking at Annenberg Community Beach House ($6), admission for one adult and one child ($14): $20
Larry Gets Lost in Los Angeles, by John Skewes and Michael Mullin: $16.99
Eco Home toy set at the Acorn Store: $65
Hippo mask thingy from Lost & Found: $295
Total: $844.99

Hipster:
One night at the Ace Hotel (smallest room): $256
Granola ($6) and a cup of drip coffee ($3) at Sqirl for breakfast: $9
Mushroom melt for lunch at Forage: $12.50
Albondigas and a soda at Bar Ama for dinner: $17
Slouching Toward Bethlehem from Skylight Books: $15
Handmade leather Botin booties from Beatrice Valenzuela: $210
Bless The Lift knitted key fob for three keys from Creatures of Comfort: $352
Griffith Observatory: Free
Hollywood Forever Cemetery: Free
Total: $871.50

Classic:
One night at the Hotel Bel-Air: $495
Egg white and vegetable omelet ($18) and coffee ($4.50) at the Fountain Coffee Room for breakfast: $22.50
Baby spinach & arugula ($10.95) and small San Pellegrino ($1.50) at Joan's on Third for lunch: $12.45
Grilled fresh vegetable salad with shrimp at The Ivy for dinner: $28.75
Miss Lonelyhearts/The Day of the Locust at Book Soup: $13.95
Movie at the Arclight: $14
Weekday admission to The Huntington: $20
Japanese cast iron bear bookends from Nickey Kehoe: $265
Raffia D'orsay Flat from Jenni Kayne: $495
Total: $1,366.65

Arts & Architecture:
One night at the Chateau Marmont: $435
Stone-ground oatmeal, quinoa and barley, Cinnamon-date "butter" ($7) and drip coffee ($3.25) at Sycamore Kitchen for breakfast: $10.25
The Office Burger ($12.50) and a Westmalle Tripel ($12) from Father's Office for lunch: $24.50
White salad ($12), Lobster soup ($16), and a glass of wine ($12) at République for dinner: $40
Never Built Los Angeles by Sam Lubell, Greg Goldin, and Thom Mayne at Hennessey & Ingalls: $55
Tour of the Gamble House: $12
Admission to the Schindler House/MAK Center: $7
Y'a Pas Le Feu Au Lac & FX Balléry's Pik Vase at A + R: $95
Nate Lowman Converse: $25,000
Total: $25,678.75

Health-Conscious:
One night at Shutters on the Beach: $525
Quinoa oatmeal maple syrup and coconut milk at Malibu Farm Pier Cafe for breakfast: $10
Basic Bowl with chicken at Axe for lunch: $18
Fennel salami pizza ($15) and a scoop of gelato ($3) at Gjelina for dinner: $18
Secret Stairs: A Walking Guide to the Historic Staircases of Los Angeles at Diesel, A Bookstore: $16.95
One-hour Sunset Ranch Horseback ride: $40
Parking at Temescal Canyon: $7
11 tubes of world salts at the Detox Market:$59
Vegan tattoo at Zulu Tattoo: approximately $200, according to a review on Yelp
Total: $893.95
· L.A. Itineraries [goop]