It's getting to be prime roommate-hunting season, when new college grads and old people who are still on college grad leasing schedules begin to shuffle around apartments. And while you'll find odd roommates the world over, there are certain types that do seem especially common to Los Angeles. Since you're bound to run into at least one of them, here are examples of six LA roommates that you might want to avoid (unless of course you're into that sort of thing).
The Fussy Naked Vegan
You'd think a vegan nudist would be super laid back, but this guy's got a thorough set of "factors" he wants roommates to "be aware of." Those include: no killing insects, no making the cats get off the couch, and no visitors who are "disruptive to vegan, clothing-optional, sacred space environments" (in fact, "compatibility should be discussed [beforehand] with the human residents").
The all-caps is always a giveaway with this type, but clue number two here is the long list of "don'ts." They start pretty reasonably (NEVER EVER GO IN ROOMMATES ROOM WITHOUT THEM BEING THERE), then get a little extreme (DO NOT TALK TO ANY OF MY DAUGHTERS), and finally just turn mean (WE WON'T WATCH TV, EAT DINNER, OR EVEN GO TO THE STORE TOGETHER~KNOW THAT).
These posters live in "one of those highend places" near the beach and are looking for a nanny to become "part of our family." They're hoping for someone who's giving, intelligent, warm-hearted, respectful...and obedient. Also physically fit "so you are able to keep up." No mention of the kids.
All other rivalries aside, UCLA definitely beats USC at packing lots of students into apartments. These kids are looking for two men and two women to complete their eight person household, but it's not that bad--bedrooms, bathrooms, and closets are only shared by three people. (This is a subset of The Fuzzy Math--demonstrated by these people in North Hollywood who are looking for someone "to share one bedroom one bath room with another female in total there would be 3 people in a room.")
Like anyone hustling to make it in LA, this guy has a lot going on, with film, real estate, and environmental companies. So it makes sense that he'd need live-in help with that, but what does he mean that his new roommate has to take "care of me on a personal level"? And why do applicants have to sign privacy agreements and consent forms before he'll interview them? Consent to what?
Enjoying a little pot isn't a crime (not in California anyway), but bringing two adults or, oh boy, a mother and her kid in to live with a couple in their shared single apartment? Should be. Especially when it's going to be "420 ALL DAY" in that little space. On the plus side: contact highs, so if you live here you can bank your weed money and save up for your own place.
· Craigslist Archives [Curbed LA]