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Million Dollar Listing Recapped, Ep 9: Another Season Gone

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It's the final episode of Million Dollar Listing, Season 4. It's been a seasons of ups and downs, but mostly yawns. Long drawn out yawns. But for those of you needing your Million Dollar Listing fix, we hear the New York version is in production so maybe you can ask the Curbed NYC folks to recap that nonsense for you. Let's share the poorly scripted pain with our East Coast brothers.

This episode begins with Josh Flagg's listing from the last episode - the 6,865 sq. ft. old-timey mansion located at 922 N. Beverly Drive. The house, listed at $4.5 million, hasn't received any offers following the first brokers open house. Josh is concerned that potential buyers can't envision what a finished house will look like due to its current state of disrepair. If only they would invest a few million to finish the property and suck out the green ooze from the bottom of the pool it could be worth $8 or $9 million. Following his grandmother's advice to throw a party, Josh plans to lure in buyers by having a "construction themed" open house. He prepares for his terrible idea by going to a hardware store and buying a basket of hardware items. Josh explains that he knows how to market a property so he hires three semi-attractive girls to hand out champagne and act as distractions so that the potential buyers and agents will ignore the half-finished house around them.

Later, during breakfast with his boyfriend Colton, Josh gets a call from his office. The home on Beverly Drive has received an offer of $3.9 million from Ben, one of the people who toured the house during Josh's open house. Colton helpfully reminds us that this is $600k below the listing price. Good, Colton.

Josh calls Barbara, the seller's representative, to ask her what she thinks about Ben's offer. She's unwilling to sell at that low price and rejects the offer, but Josh suggests they drop the price by $100k to $4.4 million in a counteroffer. Barbara agrees. Josh puts Barbara on hold and calls Ben with the counteroffer. Ben tells Josh that he will go no higher than $4.1 million for the property.

Josh puts him on hold, presents Barbara with the offer, which she again rejects, but they agree to counter with $4.2 million. When presented with the counteroffer, Ben hems and haws, but quickly folds like a deck of cards and takes the $4.2 million counter offer. And the house is surprisingly sold.

Madison Hildebrand meets with his friend Addie for some rejuvenating drinks at an herbal bar. Addie represents a family in Texas who buy investment properties in California, and she is currently looking for something in the under-$2 million range. Madison wants to show Addie a beach side property that has just fallen out of escrow and is on the market for $1.2 million. The home, located at 25338 Malibu Rd, includes 1055 sq. ft., 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a folk art fireplace with shells glued to it.

However, there's one problem with the place. Madison, by law, is compelled to tell Addie that the property's former owner had died in the house several years ago. Addie wants to vomit at the thought of a dead person in the house, but agrees to look at the home anyways.

At a private showing, Addie brings her psychic, Sloan, along to meet with Madison and the seller's agent, Lily in order to gauge the spirit infestation of the Malibu house. Sloan Bella, the self-proclaimed "celebrity psychic medium," is there to help Addie make sure the house is "harmonious" for everyone to live in. Per her web site, Sloan "is Clairaudient, hearing wording that comes in streams of conscience from a source known as "Universal Knowledge", while seeing mental imagery coming in small vignettes and extend this information to the sitter." How drole. During a tour of the home she immediately senses a dark area in one of the bedrooms... which is promptly remedied when Madison opens the blinds. She also senses that the guy who died in the house was a hard partier who likely died from too many good times skiing down white powdery slopes with his good friend Johnnie Walker. Sloan identifies the owner as "Max" and says his spirit is still lingering around the house. They have a seance or something and expel Max from the house. Madison tells Sloan that he saw in his mind the ghost flying out of the house. Once the house is cleansed, Addie is ready to buy.

However, prior to the sale of the house, an inspection by a geologist turn up some problems with the structural support along the beach front. The home has gone into escrow for $1.2 million, but Madison tells Lily, the sellers agent, that they won't go forward unless they get a $200k discount due to the structural improvements required per the geologist's report. Lily tells Madison the discount isn't going to happen, but agrees to talk to her client. After a brief phone call, Lily returns to Madison with the seller's offer - a reduction of $142,500 off the $1.2 million price. Madison thinks about it for a second, but finally agrees to the price of $1,057,500. And another sale goes into the Madison column.

For the final episode, Josh Altman has a new listing in the Hollywood Hills with an equally douchetastic homeowner named Rick. Rick is an independent television producer with poorly developed facial hair and a terrible demeanor. His dickery may only be surpassed by Josh A. himself. During the listing for the property located at 14200 Mulholland Drive, Rick questions Josh on his credentials and why he deserves to be the listing agent. After going through his spiel, Rick waves off Josh A. with a promise to call him later with his decision.

Later, while at a deli with his dim-witted assistant Mikey, Josh A. gets a call from Rick who agrees to give the listing to him. The home includes 4,219 sq. ft. 4 bedrooms, 4 baths, a pool and spa with outdoor tv and an elevator. It also features a black tile bathroom with a heated toilet and red toilet paper. Classy. After viewing the property, Josh A. suggests listing at $3.25 million. Rick thinks the house is worth at least $3.5 million but Josh sets him straight, telling him that $3.5 million works only if the furniture is thrown in. They agree on the $3.25 million price.

At the brokers open house Josh A. expects a good turn out because of the uniqueness of the home and its location on Mulholland Drive. During the open house, Mikey plays piano and its lame, but there is a good turn out and the other agents seem to like the house.

Following a private showing with Josh Flagg and his client (seriously, Josh Flagg got a client?), where the potential buyer passed on the house due to the traffic noise. Josh A. is left with few options. His broker's open house has resulted in only one offer, which as per usual is totally low-ball. Josh A. presents Rick with an offer of $2.75 million. Rick isn't happy and rejects it as a non-serious offer. Josh A suggests they reduce the price by $100k. The buyer's agent responds to the counter offer of $3.15 million by asking for furniture with the sale. Josh A and Rick agree that with furniture thrown in they will only sell at list price. The buyer's agent counters with an offer of $3.2 million, all furniture and doormats included, which Rick decides to accept. Per Trulia, as of early this morning the house is still on the market with a recent $100k price chop. However, just an hour ago Trulia says the house is off the market. But the Hilton and Hyland web site shows the listing is still active and on the market for $2.999 million. Make of that what you will.

Highlights:

Madison/Josh A./Heather: Continuing the assistant love triangle storyline, this episode Madison confronts Heather about her secret job interviews, which he finds out about thanks to Josh Flagg. Heather tells Madison that she wants to spread her real estate wings, and that he's not supporting her. Later, Josh Altman confronts Josh Flagg at a private showing of the Mulholland house for ratting out Heather. The Joshes depart in a series of expletives. At episodes end Heather takes off to Cabo with Josh A. for some R&R, with expectations that upon her return that Madison will have decided whether he will allow her to expand his business into West Hollywood. (Per Madison's Bravo blog, he says that Heather is now working part time in his office and in Coldwell Banker's Beverly Hills office ).

Thanks for another exciting season of Million Dollar Listing coverage. See you next year.