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No Buyers for Spooky Mansions These Days

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"Overall sales of cursed and bedamned residences have fallen 45 percent in the past 14 months—more than twice that of non-evil houses," makes up The Onion. That creepy mansion on the hill, where something mysterious happened last century, used to fetch top dollar but now can't even get a bite. "Never mind a place that's got blood running from the faucets, the apparition of a boy in a sailor suit standing at the top of the stairs, and no granite countertops," reports a fake realtor. [The Onion]