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Million Dollar Listing Recapped, Ep 5: Back to The 'Bu

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It's a very Malibu-centric episode of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing this week. Does anyone know how long this season lasts? Please God, let it end soon. This episode is full of surprises: Josh Flagg's grandma wears a hat! Chad Rogers is still talking about dog custody! Madison Hildebrand furthers Sino-American relations!

Josh Flagg's Montanan rancher client, Gary, is confronted with an unhappy pricechop to start the episode. Josh has failed to sell the rancher's Malibu horse land (good for "horses, motorcycles and guns") after 100 days, necessitating a pricechop from $1.995 million to $1.799 million. Feeling the market's continuing death spiral, Josh visits his grandma to look for guidance about what to do in the down market. Just as the little dog helps Chad and the blinking helps Madison, we realize Josh's grandma is featured as some sort of humanizing aid to make his character more palatable to the average watcher. It sort of works since we actually like Josh's grandma and her crazy grandma antics - putting in your living room? Outrageous, grandma!!

She advises him to have a party, which he does. He buys a shopping cart full of alcohol for his raging party which consists of about six friends, but then forgets about the party and spends the evening hanging with his grandma. Josh is worried he may may have memory issues since he has been forgetting about things a lot (like how those paintings from his former clients' homes allegedly ended up in his house), so he visits a doctor in a subplot. Meanwhile, the Montanan rancher has decided he needs a home in the area so he can be closer to his vast land empire in Southern California. Josh arranges a "brilliant" scenario in which an owner of a million dollar home in Westlake Village trades her 3,625 sq. ft. home for the Montanan's Malibu property, thereby giving her the coastal horse property and the Montanan gets a house. Raise your hand if you believe this actually happened. Celebrating the deal, Josh and the Montanan share a drink overlooking the orgasmic, frothy ocean ravishing the shore below them as they plan to work together again soon.

This episode continues its unappealing storyline featuring Chad Rogers unhealthy relationship with his little dog and girlfriend. We get the ickys thinking about it. Chad's listing comes from Jack, a Hollywood-type with a lovely home in Malibu's Ramirez Canyon. The 6,000 sq. ft. home features 5 bedrooms, 4.5 baths and "Frank Lloyd Wright inspired sky-lights." Jack had previously had a pocket listing with pocket gay Madison Hildebrand, which Madison later describes as an informal listing. Jack is skeptical of realtors who talk a big game but fail to deliver, so he asks that Chad be his bulldog and get some offers. The home goes on the market for $3.995 million but fails to gain any interest. Jack thinks that the other realtors who don't like his property are douchebags and demands that Chad do his job better. Chad suggests a pricechop which makes Jack go ballistic. Thankfully Chad whips his little dog out and Jack pretends to love animals for the cameras. No sale by episode's end, but the listing is extended.

Madison Hildebrand revisits a listing from last season, which also coincidentally happens to be his former home. The 2,794 sq. ft, 4 bed/ 5 bath, three story home in the La Costa Beach neighborhood of Malibu sold last season for $2.250 million (contrary to the show, the Zillow listing for the home says 4 bd and 3.5 bath). However, the market has changed (cue scary music) and Madison thinks the home won't break the $2.4 million barrier. Madison asks the homeowner, Tamre, if she would be willing to invest in home staging to make the house look more lived in. She agrees to stage the home for 6 months at a cost of $8,000. Selling a home sucks! The home is listed at $2.398 million but after watching this trainwreck all season we sense some pricechops in this home's future. After the open house fails to turn up any offers, Madison receives an offer from buyers in Shanghai, China. The broker for the Chinese buyers is concerned about the potential for landslides so Madison does a terrible flip-cam video showing himself and the house in order to demonstrate how the hillside won't fall down on the Chinese owners - and even if it does, look at those views! The Chinese buyers want the sellers to install a pool and sell the property for $1.7 million. Madison thinks they're crazy and counteroffers with a price of $1.8 million and no pool. The Chinese buyers, by way of phone, agree to the counteroffer and the home is sold.

Highlights

Josh Flagg: Montanan rancher Gary speaking to Josh: "Brokers always want to reduce the price... bring me some offers." Josh giggles in response.

Madison Hildebrand: To his client: "Well, you know what else is also not fun.... isss.... the market has gone down."

Chad Rogers: "I will be so aggressive, it's not even funny."

Chad Rogers: Visits his life coach David to discuss his relationship with Victoria and his business. David advises them to spend time together planning a romantic vacation. Everyone giggles.

Josh Flagg: The reaction of the homeowner from Westlake Village after Josh proposes the house for property switcheroo. "That's very interesting. Wow. Yes?"

Josh Flagg: The Montanan rancher celebrates the property switcheroo with Josh, saying he knew Josh was the right guy when he flew to Montana and "worked his butt off." Wink, wink.

· Million Dollar Listing Recapped, Ep 4: Commitment to Dogs and Property [Curbed LA]
· Million Dollar Listing Archives [Curbed LA]