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Rumblings & Bumblings: Million Dollar Opening

[Goatse-approved image of the Million Dollar Theater by Monkey]

Co-editor Josh likes to live by the law of the playground: "Whoever smelt it, dealt it." Thus we are somehow forced to answer your R&B questions this week even though we thought our duties ended on Tuesday when we posted your queries. Thanks for nothing, Josh.

1) Hollywood: First question and we've already failed. A reader wants to know what's happening with the boarded up Shell gas station in Hollywood: Do you have any information on what's happening at the southeast corner of Franklin and Cahuenga in Hollywood? We haven't been able to turn up what's going on there now, but we did learn through some careful Googling that "High School Honor Student by Day. Hollywood Hooker by Night," Angel was picked up on that corner in the 1984 film of the same name. How's that for some movie trivia? UPDATE: We think the reader actually meant Hollywood and Cahuenga, not Franklin since there is no Shell station there. If that is what he meant, another reader answers: UPDATE 2 by JW: Damn it Marissa! What co-editor Marissa meant to say was, yes there is a Shell station at Franklin and Cahuenga that is fenced up. A helpful reader emails in: "The station is Not closed, market is open. The City is replacing the sidewalk." Good to know you can still get your Red Bull and cigarettes on that corner.

2) Venice: Ooh - we actually have an answer to this one! "Do you know anything about the orange tile mural which seems to be an integral part of one of the new modern cubes on Abbot Kinney?... Is it a joke that will soon be removed?" Nothing inspires as much debate as the age-old question "what is Art?" (except maybe "When will we get that monorail?) While many of you despise the mural, there is one reader willing to stand up and defend it with multisyllabic art-speak and double negatives. "The lofts are the work of Frank Murphy - It's a very subjective issue, but it's an approach in contextualism and a dynamic juxtaposition of old (the folkish aesthetic of the mural) with the new (the geometric, clean lines of the structure). In my opinion, it creates a dialogue and probes deeper into conventional ideas of what housing should look like. Some say the design is polarizing - I don't think that's something we should not want to aspire to. In the face of soulless tract homes, mimetic "contemporary" ultra-modern dwellings, Frank Murphy's work is trenchant, illuminating and progressive. Full disclosure - I've met him once and he's a very nice guy."

3) Downtown: Thank god this was an easy one. "What the plans are for the million dollar theater in downtown LA?" Aside from offering a perfect opening (hee!) for another iteration of Goatse, it will also be...a theater. Shocking! The LA Cowboy himself, Brady Westwater, writes in with his answer: "Just showed Million Dollar to David Hiller of the LAT today on his tour of the Broadway theaters and renovation work is almost done. Should be open for business in about 90 days, city inspections and permitting allowing; person running it, Robert Voskanian, used to manage the Stock Exchange. Next stage is building a lift to facilitate loading so that the theater can be used for full fledged stage shows and musicals. Working on several major festivals that will hopefully be using ALL of the Broadway Theaters that will be using all of the Broadway theaters that will be open by next summer - the Orpheum, the Tower, the Palace, the State, the Million Dollar and the Los Angeles."

4) Venice/Marina del Rey: Our reader with a thing for Ye Olde English asked about development on Lincoln Blvd. You gave us rumors and conjecture. Which in the absence of empirical evidence, we are happy to post. The construction near Del taco: "Condos." And "the Venice development by the Youth Hostel has the looks of a Best Buy! Well it's super small and I doubt it, but still that's what it looks like." Thanks for your completely unfounded architectural interpretation.

5) Mid-city: We got nothing. Absolutely nothing. We have failed you. We will now commit Seppuku.

6) Los Angeles: Its unanimous. Despite our attempts to win you over with cat-powered vehicular hilarity and nude octagenarians, you still hate us. We're boring. You hate Pinkberry. And Tesco. Well we have news for you, mister. Don't nobody say nothing bad 'bout my berry. Y'all should follow the advice of sambag in the comments: "I think everyone complaining should give the eds some tips so we don't have to read about Pinkberry ever again." Sambags right. We are merely your vessels.

Send us more questions for next week, when Josh rubs the sleep out of his eyes and resumes his regular R&B duties.