Part III of our year end review finds us looking inquisitively at our precious, precious homes and the neighborhoods in which they reside. Is your $15 million dollar investment in a seaside, Malibu estate worth it? Do you care? Are we jealous? Yes. Here's what our property guru says:
"Malibu. LA’s most precious real estate gets even more precious as the billionaires drive the market up AND combine lots, skewing the supply forever. When Larry Ellison buys a 1,600 sq/ft house on Carbon for $15 million, the world is wrong. AND so what if your expensive home has a house 5 feet away on either side? Fight with your wife neighbors hear it, make up sex, neighbors hear it... This is why the billionaires buy six lots, well that and they need tennis courts and pools too, but then you’re into $50 million plus... La Costa even has a beach club for residents on the non-ocean side of the PCH, the great unwashed around you for $10 million. And that uber-money has created a scene that makes the Hamptons seem humble. As you walk the beaches (and I have been this summer), there is this faux-friendly puffed out chested hubris. The faux-friendly comes from the “well, if you’re here and I’m here and this beach is private then we both must really be special.” This attitude carries over to the shops clustered around Nobu. In the immortal words of Ari Gold “Fucking Malibu, if their houses were in any other part of LA they would be condemned...” The big dollars start to bleed east as prices go nuts and Hollywood gets hip again. It's about adjacency. Trousdale, Doheney and the Bird Streets see their first $15 million dollar price tags as Beverly Hills vibe expands into the land of the Osbournes. See all those empty clubs and lounges on Sunset? Their replacements are all around Hollywood and Vine. So you see $5 million dollar properties on Outpost for the first time (a celebrity neighborhood since the 20s, the famous started coming back in the mid-90s, but now its priced like Sunset Plaza used to be – and you get a cooler classic house with pedigree, a wider street with a planted center strip and better neighbors), Beechwood properties see over $2.5 million and they are selling $1.3 million dollar CONDOS in the Vine Hills. Again, its a young Hollywood Vibe, but hipster meets Scientologist meets rock star: Danny Masterson, Manson, Juliette Lewis, Maynard from Tool. Echo Park becomes the new Silverlake and Elysian Park begins to follow."
Oh God, we're all fucked. We got more to say of course. Maybe Part IV on Tuesday. Oh yeah, we're out on Monday so soak it all up now boys and curls cause this is all you're getting until the new year. Comments, questions? Good for you. email@example.com. (Picture of Malibu via imagebysp on Flickr)